Happy New Year, everyone!
I was going to spend this post re-capping my New Year’s Eve and writing about my top five moments from 2012, but then something else happened, and I decided to change course. I will get to the aforementioned tomorrow, but for now, I am going to focus on something that happened yesterday.
I’m still on winter break, but even though I had the day off, I took Jude to school because I had a dermatology appointment in the afternoon. As I sat in the waiting room filling out forms, I felt my phone buzzing, so I peered and saw several text messages waiting for me. At midnight on New Year’s Eve, Mom sent a group message out to me, Mike, and my brother, Joe, as well as a few others including my step-sister and her family. Upon quick assessment, I realized that the original text in today’s chain was sent by accident, meaning that the person who initiated the text thought they were sending a message to one person but instead, ended up texting everybody in the group that Mom wished a happy New Year the other night.
It read:
“Blood sugar is low. Feel very shaky. What should I do?”
Because I was busy and because I was concentrating on my paperwork, I didn’t have time to examine the string of texts. I assumed it was sent by one of my step-nieces to her parents.
At brief glance, I saw that the next person texted:
“Who is this?”
While another said:
“Huh?”
And a couple more gave advice about what to do:
“Drink a juice box!”
“OJ and cheese!”
Embarrassing! I ignored it, feeling for the person who made the error and went back to my patient form.
A few minutes later, I felt the buzzing again and looked to see Mom calling me.
I messaged her:
“at dr. appt.”
And then, as soon as I slipped my phone back in my pocket, I felt it ring again. This time, it was Mike.
“No one remembers I have a doctor’s appointment?!” I thought. “Man, no one ever listens to me.”
“Hello?” I said in a hushed, stern voice. “I’m at the dermatologist’s. What is happening?”
“Oh God, I’m so humiliated!” Mike said.
“What? Why!”
“Did you see those texts?”
“Oh my GOD. That was YOU??!!” I said. “You’re the one feeling shaky???”
“I thought I was texting you, I didn’t realize I was writing to a GROUP! I am so embarrassed!”
“I am so embarrassed for you!”
I rushed him off the phone because I was in a quiet waiting room with other people and didn’t want to draw attention to myself, but my uncontrollable laughter wasn’t helping matters. Every time I thought about what he’d done, I burst into hysterics, tears streaming from my eyes.
Here are the series of texts that followed:
You might be wondering why I found this so funny, besides the obvious reason. Here’s why:
I am not sure if I’ve mentioned it before, but Mike is a bit of a hypochondriac. Okay, I’m lying. Mike is a major hypochondriac. For example, he once watched an episode of a show called something like I Was Diagnosed with Whuuuuut? in which a woman visited Costa Rica and came into contact with a rare parasite or similar equally terrible, and she ended up with worms in her brain. On occasion, Mike still asks me if I think he has worms in his brain even though (1) it’s super unusual and (2) he’s never been to Costa Rica.
Spolier alert: he does not.
Mike often worries that he has a dread illness, so he likes to text me during the day to tell me about his ailments or to question me about his probable death:
“I keep having these migraines. Do you think I’m having mini-strokes?”
“Read this article [attached]. Do these seem like my symptoms?”
“That eye-twitch is back. What the heck is wrong with me???”
You get the idea.
So, poor Mike suffers from a constant concern that he is on the brink of extinction. Until yesterday, few people knew of this quirk. And now, thanks to his mistake, I have witnesses.
Each year, my co-worker Renee participates in a family tradition. At Christmas dinner, she and her loved ones sit around the table and play a little game called: “Who Shamed the Family Most this Year?” The basic premise of the game is that everyone who has a story to contribute tells a tale about how s/he did something to embarrass her/himself within the past year. The winner earns laughs and bragging rights.
Knowing this, Mike and I have started our own informal version each year, one that I typically win for doing things like walking into metal signs, misunderstanding the voting process at our local polling place, and just being an all around goofball. But this year, this year, Mike is already in the lead, and I do believe he will be difficult to beat. And we’re only on day three!
Impressive, no?
I can just imagine what other silly and wonderful things lie waiting for us in 2013.
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